Thinking About It

Thinking about it, today is my fifteenth sober day and I feel so happy that I have made it this far. Even though I am not a religious person and I don’t believe in the bible, church or religion, I still believe in God. So right now, I thank God, for helping me stay sober for so long. I haven’t felt sick in fifteen days straight. Do you know what that means? It means that for fifteen days, I haven’t felt like throwing up, anxious, depressed, nervous or wondering “What the fuck did I do last night?”. It’s an excellent feeling and I am glad and happy to be sober. Like I said before , since I’m a weekend warrior or better yet, a weekend binge drinker, I am taking it one weekend at a time, nothing more, nothing less. I’ll just chillax and keep my eyes on the prize and that is peace of mind and happiness.

On another note. The one thing that is bothering me right now is, thinking about my two weeks vacation next month. I will be flying down to The Dominican Republic with my wife and dog. But the big question is, How can I stay sober on vacation? Don’t get me wrong, I hate feeling sick from a hangover, but being on vacation is a big temptation for me… even if after getting back home I get sober again… still… that’s going to fuck up what I feel like right now. I have never been on a sober vacation in my entire life. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see… I can’t let the anxiety get the best of me, weeks before the trip. I refuse to let that happen.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Two Sober Weeks

Today marks my fourteenth sober day and like always, I feel like Tony The Tiger… Grrrrreat! I have to admit, it hasn’t been easy, but I was able to pull it off. I have to say that I haven’t been sober for two weekends in a row, in over a year or so, so right now, this is some really big shit for me. As a matter of fact, I feel that the crazy meds have really kicked in, since there is no alcohol in my system. I don’t feel anxious, depressed or manic. I feel more relaxed and with more patience. In other words, I can tolerate stupid shit with a smile on my face.

On another note, Monday was a holiday, so I was off from work. Even though I hate going shopping on my days off, I love to spend time with my beautiful wife in order to catch up on things. So I did go food shopping with her. You see, because of my drinking, I got used to staying home all weekend, only going out to buy more beer. Plus, since I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder and depression, I need to get the fuck out of the apartment in order to keep my mind busy and also, to get used to just going out, interacting with and meeting other human beings. I think that I got way too fucking comfortable drinking home alone and shit. So I have to break that fucked up cycle and get on with my life. I really do understand, that my life didn’t end when I stopped drinking. In reality, I started a new one. A sober life.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Lucky 13

Today marks my thirteenth sober day, which means that I’m just one day shy of fourteen days or two weeks, which will be a milestone for me. It’s been awhile since I’ve been sober this long, but I have to admit, it hasn’t been that hard, but it hasn’t that been easy either. I know what I want and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get it. By all means necessary.

On another note, lately I’ve notice that my posts have been getting longer and longer by the day and like they say. The human attention span is shorter than a goldfish’s. So I’m cutting down on the length of my posts. I want people to read and enjoy my posts, not put them to sleep and shit. Even though I started this blog in order to help with my sanity and sobriety, if others like it, I don’t want to push them away with long ass posts. So as of today, I will lower my posts word limits from five-hundred to at least three-hundred or less. I believe that three-hundred words will be good enough to get my point across and won’t be boring to readers. If I have a longer post, I will continue it the next day.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Stinking Thinking

Today is my twelfth sober day and like all the other days, I feel like Tony the tiger… Grrrrreat! I have to say, that staying sober, even if it has been only for twelve days, has been easy for me. I think that the reason for that is, that I was sober from July 2010 to July 2015. But sometimes I feel that I was just a dry drunk for five years. Yes! Yes! Yes! Looking back, I feel that I was just  a dry drunk all that time. The reason for that is, that I stayed sober, because I was in a mandated program at work for five years. While I wasn’t drinking, I didn’t do much to change my behavior. At the end, or I rather say by July 4th, 2015, I started feeling anxious, annoyed, resentment, depressed, self-pity, frustrated and mad at the entire world and the human race. I also started to blame my family for my loneliness. In other words, I didn’t do shit to keep my mind busy, I didn’t do shit to keep away from stinking thinking, nothing at all. I didn’t even wanted to bothered myself, by going to weekend AA meetings. But I went right ahead and blamed everyone around me, for everything that was wrong in my life and I mean everyone and their mother. I just didn’t know what I was doing.

You see, now I look back at those five years and I appreciate them more than ever. I guess that what I am trying to say is, that I miss being sober and I know what worked and didn’t work for me back then. Looking at the “now”, I can safely say, that I have learned from my mistakes and that, in fact, will help me stay sober in the future. The things that I am looking at right now, are ways to keep myself busy on the weekends, since that is my weak point and also when I binge drink. Since I don’t have a problem with my drinking the rest of the week, I don’t have to worry about that. I just have to worry about keeping myself busy on the weekends. Right now I am waiting for Spring to start in March, so I can get out there and do things. But I am still keeping myself busy, during the Winter months. It’s not like if I’m just hangging around the apartment, scratching my balls and shit. Bwahahahahaha!

Stinking thinking!… You are fired!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Party People

Today marks my eleventh sober day and like always, I feel grrrrreat! Not feeling sick as shit, is really grrrrreat!

Last night I did go to the two parties that I was invited too and I have good news… I stayed sober. To be honest, I found them to be boring, without having any alcohol. Yes! I said that I found them to be boring without alcohol. You see, I have to get used to attending parties, without having to drink. But that will take some time.

The good thing was, that the first party was a religious one, so they were serving non-alcoholic wine only. Even though some of my friends were drinking on the down low, I stayed away from that shit. I did enjoy the food though, they had a lot of it. But because my stomach is smaller, due to the vertical sleeve gastrectomy that I had back in April of 2015, I was limited to the amount of food that I had. Even after being limited to the amount of food that I was able to eat, I did enjoy the party. The funny thing is, that when my friends offered alcohol to me, I told them that I was taking some type of medication, that I couldn’t mix with alcohol. Once I told them that bullshit story, they left me alone. They didn’t try to push the alcohol down my throat, which was a good thing.

Now, the second party was a different story, because alcohol was being served. I turned alcohol down a few times, which made me feel uncomfortable. Even though I said that I was driving, the person told me that I could have a few beers and since my wife wasn’t drinking, she could have driven the car home. To tell you the truth, I should have used the medication excuse, rather than the driving one. To be completely honest, I really felt uncomfortable at the party, since alcohol was being served and I really felt like drinking. Yes! Yes! Yes! I felt like drinking most of the time. I guess, that since about 90% percent of the people were drinking beer… my drug of choice… I felt like just having a few and having my wife drive the car back home. I did realize that it was just stinking thinking and so I just change what I was thinking about and had some water. Yes, in the end, the person that was offering the beer to me, eventually brought me a bottle of water and that was that.

Lessons learned? Two things that I learned from last night’s parties were first, I can’t put myself in the line of fire, so early in my sobriety and second, the best excuse to use when offered alcohol, is the medication one. People will leave me alone when I tell them, that I am taking some kind of medication.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

It’s Party Time!

Today marks my tenth sober day and I feel grrrrreat! It’s good to wake up on a Saturday morning without feeling anxious, agitated, depressed and sick. Waking up knowing that I blacked out the night before and not knowing what the fuck I did or said, is the worst feeling ever. Today, I know exactly what I did and said last night, so that is an excellent feeling.

On another note. My wife and I have been invited to two parties today… YEAP! You read that right! “Two parties”. The good thing about is that the first one is alcohol free… That’s right!… alcohol free! I know a few people who will be drinking alcohol on the down low, and I will try to stay away from that shit. But only non-alcoholic beverages will be served. The second one is not alcohol free, but I won’t be drinking anyway. Sobriety first, family second then the rest. If someone offers me a beer at the second party, my excuses for not drinking tonight will be, that I am driving and or that I am on some type of med and I can’t have alcohol, because I don’t want a DWI and or because of the really, really, really bad side effects from the med, mixed with the alcohol. Bwahahahahaha! I learned that shit while I was in rehab for thirty days in 2010. All that I have to do is just use a good excuse, then they will leave me the fuck alone.

Two things that I have to keep in mind are, that getting out of the apartment will be a good thing for me, when it comes to my generalized anxiety disorder and my social anxiety disorder. I have to keep in mind that my blog is “the chronicles of the super boring life of an anti-socialite and extremely socially disinterested man” and I am trying to break that pattern, no matter what. Also, it will really help me keep my mind busy, rather and staying at home and having my mind do some stinking thinking. I’d rather be out having fun like a party animal… except, that I will be a sober party animal. Bwahahahahaha! Even I have to laugh at that one. I’ll be OK! Everything will be OK!

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!

Thank God It’s Friday

TGIF! Mother fuckers! Bwahahahahahaha! Today is my ninth sober day and I feel fucking EXCELLENT! and HAPPY! Specially since today is Friday and I don’t work on weekends. So once I get out of the salt mines, I am off to rest in the comfort of my home. At this point, I am not worried about having a few beers when I get home, because I know that it just won’t happen. I am 100% sure that everything will be alright. When I get home today, I’m just gonna chill the fuck out and catch up on some “Law and order“. One more thing before I get on with the rest of my bullshit… the wife just reminded me that this is a three day weekend. Which means, I don’t work this coming Monday. One more reason to feel happier today.

On another note, yesterday I saw my shrink Dr. C and he was happy that I have been sober for so many days. He really noticed the difference between the time when I was drinking and now. He told me that I look and sound a lot better, I looked happier and energetic. Everything that he said is true. I do feel happy and with a lot more energy. Also, he is taking me off of Lithium, because I need some blood work done, in order to know the Lithium level in my blood. But I won’t be able to get the blood test until the beginning of February. It really sucks, but it is better to be safe than sorry. It is what it is.

Right now I am looking forward to Saturday, because I will be attending two parties. Yes! You read that right Jack! They are two parties. I’ll give you the 411 on that, with tomorrow’s post.

With that said! I am Audi 5000 y’all!